Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Go with the flow…

…I say that all the time in class.
I take the seat of the teacher and I talk about the choppy waters of life and how fighting the current of fear and delusion will only lead to frustration. I certainly believe it to be true but somehow I find myself treading in dark, murky waters over and over again; fighting the fearful currents with all my might.

The reality is that there are are so many people in this world who must navigate far more treacherous waters than any I have had to face. They must actually fight for each precious drop of life. So why is it that I continue to struggle in the flow of my very sweet life? Why do I find myself frustrated by tsunamis of self-doubt initiated by other people’s careless words and fears?

Someone very wise recently told me that we only begin to develop self-confidence when we can cultivate the ability to overcome delusions and lose the ignorance of ego. Adding that we mustn’t fear darkness as it is a much grander truth than the flowers that easily bloom in the warmth of the sun.

I think about these words as I look up at an overcast night sky. It seems empty and thick and dreary; but as I continue to watch, I see a glimmer of light, and soon enough the dark clouds part, and starlight comes beaming through, offering a hint of the Divine. I understand that the stars were always there -- maybe it was simply my ego that blocked the view.

One night, while on retreat in Mexico, I jumped fearlessly into the warmth of the ocean while those very same stars twinkled above me. I think about how comforting it felt to rest on the surface of the dark and soothing sea as the stars offered tiny beacons of hope.
Gentle waves rocked me effortlessly to shore.
I felt safe and courageous.
All I had to do was go with the flow.



June said...

Thank you for these kind words. Whoever your friend is, they are real wise. I struggle with self doubt everyday and yet I have so much in my life to be thankful for. I've never been sick, or lost a parent or even lost a job. I have a steady income and have a home. I doubt myself eveyday because I may not be as good as everyone around me.

Your words were really inspiring and helpful to me and it gives me some perspective. Thanks a million!!

Linda said...

You are so inspiring. Thank you for writing this beautiful piece. I so often feel this way too and think that maybe my life is so difficult. Last month I lost my sister to her 14 year battle with ovarian cancer and my heart was broken. Not for her, but for me. I thought I was suffering and I was doubting everything in my life. Then one day I realized, I was not sick and I have never been sick. I have a well paying job and a wonderful husband and children, great friends and a loving family. How and why was I self doubting?
In reading your blog, it reminded me of my sister's final days where she saw such beauty in everything around her. The ocean air, the swaying trees, the birds in flight, my children's laughter and she would smile so grandly and say to me, "stop questioning and just allow. Then you will know what beauty truly is."

Thank you for reminding me about what's real and for reminding me of my sister.